i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
