i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
