Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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