I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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