alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
