apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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