in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
