So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
