he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
