I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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