I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
