i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
