Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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