Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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