We won't sleep together?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
