Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
