her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
