we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
