Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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