I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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