Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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