I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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