the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
