singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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