I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
