My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
