im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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