All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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