so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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