Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
