Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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