I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
