Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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