my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
