He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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