Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
