Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
