If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
