I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
