Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
