Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
