we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am one with the molecules
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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