did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
