Your tits are I can't wait for
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
