Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
