im having a threesome with these popsicles
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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