U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
