You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
