I murdered the dance floor call the cops
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Found your dick twin last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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