She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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