My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What a dumb baby whore.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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