ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
