I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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