I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ttyl tear gas
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
